I'm Tired

I started a new job last week. It's not too bad, kind of a combination of all previous jobs all rolled into one - except I don't think I'm at liberty to talk about where I am (they appear to be kinda secretive there). The people seem cool, the job itself none too stressful and the day goes by pretty quick. So far, so good, right? I'd agree except I have to be there at 7:30 in the morning and it's a 10-hour day, 5 days a week. I haven't had to be at work that early since I worked in a lumberyard managing the contractor's desk when I was in my 20's (ironically enough, it was while at that job, pricing moulding one day, getting splinters left and right, that I thought that there must be something more interesting to do, and I registered for my first acting class) but, you know, come on, getting up at 6:30 for work isn't that hard.

I have noticed, however, that it does sap my energy by the end of the day and leaves me a near zombie by the end of the week. While I was not working, I found I was doing all kinds of creative stuff to fill the void of my not working, not acting and watching Tangent collect dust. It was right before getting this new job that I made a resolution to myself, to finally try to do something that I have always wanted to learn how to do. I was excited when I made the resolution. Then I got the job and haven't taken a single step toward that goal. This is what I worry about. I have a concern, perhaps irrational at this point, that this 50-hour week will distract from these new artistic pursuits I'm considering, in addition to the usual interests. I can get a little Hamlet at times and pull the cart before the horse. I imagine that I will find the balance, get used to the hours and like I'm sure any parent would say: if I really wanted to, I would find the time to do it, yeah?

We all know how Life can get in the way of our plans. There is a part of me that is relieved to be making money again and, with the overtime that I'll be working, the money will be enough to take some worry out of the usual equation. It looks like I'll be able to pay the rent without breaking a sweat, knock out a little debt and maybe not even have to wonder about how I could afford getting back to Ireland in the Fall.

I saw a recent interview with Glen Hansard, talking about The Frames new album, The Cost (pretty fookin' amazing, by the by; a very good friend slipped me a copy of it and I have been listening to it incessantly - and yes, piracy police, I will buy it when it's finally released in the States later this month). ANYway ... the interviewer asked about the title of the album and Hansard said that he believes any action we take, even the simplest, has a cost. And I wonder what the cost of this new job will be, other than time.

Again, it will all come down to finding the balance and discipline. Discipline has always been a wily foe of mine. This blog, actually, was started as way to discipline myself into creating something at least one or two times a week. I was sitting on the couch tonight, watching a Super Bowl I couldn't be less interested in, and realized I've done nothing here this week other than think about finding the time to do something, so I sat down and wrote. I’m not looking for a pat on the back. I think it’s more about proving something to myself - work through the inherent inertia, how ever tired and lazy I may be, and make myself take some kind of action.

And with that, I’m going to go contact the person I thought of to help explore that resolution.